Pain. Thoughts. Relieve.

"Argh. I felt i was quite dumb."

Hmm.. "Why?" you would asked. Recently, probably just 2 days ago, i went to the dental as i always planned to, but didn't go. But for once, i regretted going to the dental. Guess what? I wasn't in any pain at all, just wanted to seal up some of my hole, to be able to eat more conveniently. Ok, so this is how my pathetic story goes...

So finally, i decided to be disciplined. I knew i shouldn't procrastinate anymore or wait any longer. I took out my wallet, and find the receipt of my dental appointment i used to had in the past. I called and booked a slot for my appointment. When i went on that day, i was a little delighted and nervous. Delighted because i can see myself gorging fiercely on the food after getting my teeth fixed. Nervous because i'm going to see a dental, i believe everyone will have this minor nervousness when going to visit the dental, with all the small knifes and drills charging into your mouth. But for me, maybe not so much of fear, because i think i have a long history in my dental life compared to many. Since i was in Primary school, i already visited the dental quite often.

Ok, so the dental that i used to went before was shifted when i reach. But not too bad, it's just a few shops away. So... I went on the appointed time, and began the dental treatment. Ok, i filled up 2 holes in my teeth, and the dentist said it was quite big, so had to charge me more. Supposingly, i think he meant alot alot more. The fees for the 2 fillings was $140. Ok.. not so bad. But what's the bad part? It is that after paying $140 thinking that i can get back on my food eating spree, but was totally kick out of that thought and all i get was a whole day of tormenting pain. TOTALLY MADNESS! The pain was almost killing. I paid $140 and got stuck in bed the whole day, flipping and flopping and struggling, trying to get a slight relieve. And I ate almost nothing on that day, all i ate was 1 packet of rice(hardly) and a few piece of biscuit(that's before i went for the dental).

For once, i couldn't take it anymore. It was like the most painful experienced i ever had in my whole dental history. The pain was haunting. Thoughts of suiciding, frastration, agony and anger. The whole day i totally had no mood. I can't be bother what people around is telling me or advising me, all i want is, just shut the fuck up and give me peace(sorry for being rude). Surprisingly, i do not feel hungry for 1 whole day. All i was thinking was, i just want the day to pass, so i can visit the dental again on the next day when it is open to relieve the pain i had. So on the next morning, my dearest mum called the dental to book an appointment. Supposingly, my mum heard it was 2:15pm on the same day. So around that time, my mum drove the yellow van to bring me there. But guess what? The Admin said, no? It's not today, it's tomorrow.. I was totally pissed. I am here in pain dying and she's there trying to prove her point. I don't care. And in the end she kept saying it's fully booked and asked me to go to their other branch. It was pouring so heavily, did she even think what if we came on public transport? So we went to the other branch. Ok, i went in and explain again. But that stupid old man(dentist) is also there trying the push the blame away and act dumb. He gave me a X Ray and after telling him repeatingly where it hurts and he still asked where i hurts. Is he a dumbfuck or just plain retard? I am there dying and he can take the stupid small mirror and knock on my teeth, pain or not? OF COURSE PAIN LAR, I ALREADY SAID PAIN ALREADY!! STUPID DUMBASS!! He said i need to do root canaling, which is around $900+? Plain craziness. I denied of course, because i don't have so much money. And he advised me to take the X Ray, he said $20 for it. After taking the X Ray, i didnt get to see it, i was charge $20 for it(I pay $20 for him to see only ar?) and a additional $25 for the Medical(Painkillers Etc..). After causing so much pain on me, they still have the cheek to collect the money from me. In total, i paid $185 to endure pain. I was thinking, doctors nowadays are simply heartless or just moneyface?

I was tearing while i was on my way back home. For the last two days, i cried many times, as there were lots of mixed feelings swirling within, not just because of the pain, even when i'm not in pain, i teared as well. After reaching back home at the carpark, i told my mum i would like to stay in the car awhile longer. I was thinking. Many things. I cried.

I asked. Why me? Why? I know many people are suffering around the world, even in worst pain then this. But still, i asked. I don't wish to suffer, i believe nobody would. I felt dumb. I was thinking what have i done wrong to deserve this? Why do i get scolded when i'm in so much pain? Why am i so selfish? Why? And i was thinking to write a letter to CASE. But i remembered something Caleb said. That day when i was working, he said this. A story about this girl and the whole family. One day, a group of barbarian appear and killed the whole family infront of the girl. And the God ask her to forgive them, and she did. He was like asking, what if one day something like that were to happen, will you forgive them as well? So i thought, should i just forgive and forget or write a letter to CASE? If that little girl could, why can't i?

But actually, i believe God is trying to remind me some things in this period of pain. For once, i never thought i had such a really caring mother. I love her in fact. And many many thing came to light. Guess what? After looking on the bright side, i actually lost like 5kg? Lol.. haha, maybe because i always wanted to slim down, but didn't put in the effort? God help me to slim down in a different way? LOL. I had fever as well! Although now the pain and fever has subside, thankfully. But my gum is swollen!! What the.. Such an irony. Anyway, for the whole day yesterday, i only had a small bowl of porridge and a bottle of milk. LOL again.